As the senior editor of Unbelievable History, I’ve organized this crack team of time traveling historians to tell you about…hey…where am I anyways? …wha?…oh yes. Sometimes little whipper snappers don’t understand history the way I do, because they’re too busy being on my lawn to pick up a book on Thermopylae. Martha! Where’s my book on Thermopylae? Did those damn kids take it?
The current trend in history books has been “revisionist history.” But these revisionist historians have been some damn meddling kids. I’ve spent my career trying to give the public the most accurate, objective history ever, but those damn meddling kids keep interfering with this effort. Man, I knew I shouldn’t be a historian and work at a haunted amusement park. Anyway, long story short, I found a time traveler to put all this historical relativism to rest and a robber baron to foot the bill.
I have written several books, including “John Adams: Myth or Legend,” “The History of Incredibly Boring Things,” “The History of Where Did I Leave My Keys?,” “Benjamin Franklin: Early To Bed Kills You…Instantly.” I don’t remember how I got my degrees, but I sure have a lot of them. Some of the degrees appear to be poorly written on the backs of cocktail napkins.